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Bella Boo
28-10-2011, 08:18 AM
I wrote a letter to River saying goodbye. I read it to him before the vet came with all our closest with us. It was a fitting way to say goodbye.

Today - 2 yrs on (almost to the minute) of that goodbye here is the letter I would read him

Darling Roo

Well you've been gone a while now, I don't understand how time passes so fast, how can it be 2 years since a kissed your little grey nose. They told me it would get easier, that I would miss you less. As usual the great 'they' lied. Your absence is a hole in my heart but one I have learnt not to poke or prod or look at too closely so I can continue on with a smile and a laugh.

Its the little things I miss. You banging the stable door when I petted other horses, the sound of your nicker that was just for me, the silly face you'd pull when I got your itchy bits. But mostly I miss your little ears and kissing your velvet nose.

Some days I feel like I have betrayed you and your memory with the fun I am having with Bella. I hope in my deepest heart that you understand, when I say you were a little tyke - its meant with all the love I felt for you. I would not have changed your stubborn attitude or tendancy to rear when you didn't want to go forwards, and I'll never stop feeling the guilt for not knowing you were in pain.

When I think of you it is us hacking in Canterbury - out for hours just the two of us. The long canters accross stubble feilds and the smile on your face. I also feel the sense of safety you always gave me, that we were in it together and you weren't going to leave me.

When you found me - I needed to be saved, and you needed a new life. We rescued each other and for 7 years nothing in the world could hurt me because I had you. I've had to learn to be brave without you poppet, and trust in myself. Its been a hard and lonely journey, but I still have the memories to make me smile and the lessons you so eloquently taught me.

So thank you River roo and the rock steady crew, for the memories, for the love and for the laughter. Thank you also for the tears, the tantrums and the final heartbreak. Without one there would never have been another, and I am lucky enough to say that at one point in my life - I was able to look into deep brown eyes and see my own soul reflected back at me, and know, that unquestioningly, with no judgement - I was loved simply for exisiting.

I love you now just as I did then, and tomororw I will bring you a carrot where we set your ashes free - you know by the spot we had our first canter and jump out together that cold spring morning - where I first knew that you would be the love of my life.

Continue to sleep well my boy, and watch over me like you do. I will always miss you but now smile rather than cry when I remember your little grey nose and little grey ears.

Love
Mum
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

benji
28-10-2011, 08:29 AM
Aw hun.

No words, big love and hugs to you though xxx

Cheiro1
28-10-2011, 09:54 AM
Huge hugs hun.

I don't know what to say. Beautiful, have a lump in my throat but seeing as im at work im trying to contain myself!! :oops:

Bella Boo
28-10-2011, 10:25 AM
Does it sound weird that writing it makes me smile not cry?! I feel a great sadness at his loss, but also huge grattitude for having known him and loved him.

Thank you for the hugs - at work and its hard as noone here would really understand.

xx

Cheiro1
28-10-2011, 10:41 AM
Nah thats not wierd, I totally know where you are coming from, and thats nice that you can smile remembering the good times. :)

Bella Boo
28-10-2011, 10:56 AM
I believe B will back me up here there was something about the little man that couldn't help to make you smile. The world would be ending around you, but he'd cock his head in a funny way and look at you as if to say 'and ... what now...?'. He had this amazing ability to reach into you and make it ok. He should've been one of those horses they use to help people with their problems - I never had anyone come and meet him and not walk away feeling better.

People who were terrified of horses were happy to cuddle up to him, people whose souls were burdened hugged into his neck and you could see their worries fade away.

For me - he made me laugh even when he'd refused to walk forwards for 45 minutes and the same dog walkers had gone past us twice - on the way to their walk and they way back, and there was I on a little grey pony still spinning around and rearing refusing to go through a stream he'd walked through with no problems 100 times before.

There was always a new trick or tantrum round the corner but from the minute I sat on him until the very last I trusted him completly. We suited each other - I was as stubborn as him and we'd sit there in these battle of wills. Yet other days it would feel like we were soaring as we blasted across the country side.

Those final two years he walked through hell for me, he fought with every ounce of his being to get well. In the end I had to walk my own walk alone through hell to let him stop fighting, to give him the pain free peace he deserved.

I don't know if there is a heaven or not, or if ponies get into it, but I like to believe that he is in a big green field watching over us all, over everyone whose life he touched (and it was many) and that one day I will hear that little nicker again, and turn around and see those unmistakable tiny little ears doing their funny flicking dance, wrap my arms around him and know that I am once again home.

Here's the little man:

http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq32/R1verboy/riv2.jpg

http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq32/R1verboy/11844_160776579196_510079196_248403.jpg

http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq32/R1verboy/river4.jpg

http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq32/R1verboy/river3.jpg

http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq32/R1verboy/riv3.jpg

http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq32/R1verboy/rier2.jpg
Please excuse how fat I am in this one - I was on hormone treatment before my operation that made me put on 3 stone! I lost it all once the operation was complete!

xx

benji
28-10-2011, 11:16 AM
I will certainly back you up with all of that hun!

I met him at a time in my life when I was thoroughly depressed. Mostly I'll add due to lack of horsey time! R (my completely non-horsey ex - BellaBoo will tell you lol) said that cuddled into Rivers mane was the happiest he'd ever seen me. Even R brought him in from the feild and he said later he'd began to understand my love for horses.

That 'itchy spot lip' was something you just couldn't help but laugh at.

He was a total dude, loved by everyone who met him, and one that none of us will ever forget.

MrsMozart
28-10-2011, 11:47 AM
Hugs darling.

Beautiful pictures of a beautiful bond.

Cheiro1
28-10-2011, 12:02 PM
The picture of you sat down with his head in your lap is just stunning, He was a beautiful beautiful animal.

He will be watching over you and he'll be there waiting at rainbow bridge xx

Bella Boo
28-10-2011, 12:28 PM
Aw thanks guys. I always thought he was beautiful but you know I am biast :D :oops:

And thanks MrsM - the last photo I think sums us up totally, it means a lot to me.

xx

Pippipony
28-10-2011, 07:05 PM
That B & W pics is just beautiful.

((hugs)) BB
xx

Bella Boo
28-10-2011, 07:12 PM
Thanks PP - believe it or not it was totally unposed, my fried was down with the camera and I thought she was fiddling with the settings so I was having a chat with him and she got that one - it shows what I meant - looking into his eyes and seeing myself reflected there.

x