I wrote a letter to River saying goodbye. I read it to him before the vet came with all our closest with us. It was a fitting way to say goodbye.

Today - 2 yrs on (almost to the minute) of that goodbye here is the letter I would read him

Darling Roo

Well you've been gone a while now, I don't understand how time passes so fast, how can it be 2 years since a kissed your little grey nose. They told me it would get easier, that I would miss you less. As usual the great 'they' lied. Your absence is a hole in my heart but one I have learnt not to poke or prod or look at too closely so I can continue on with a smile and a laugh.

Its the little things I miss. You banging the stable door when I petted other horses, the sound of your nicker that was just for me, the silly face you'd pull when I got your itchy bits. But mostly I miss your little ears and kissing your velvet nose.

Some days I feel like I have betrayed you and your memory with the fun I am having with Bella. I hope in my deepest heart that you understand, when I say you were a little tyke - its meant with all the love I felt for you. I would not have changed your stubborn attitude or tendancy to rear when you didn't want to go forwards, and I'll never stop feeling the guilt for not knowing you were in pain.

When I think of you it is us hacking in Canterbury - out for hours just the two of us. The long canters accross stubble feilds and the smile on your face. I also feel the sense of safety you always gave me, that we were in it together and you weren't going to leave me.

When you found me - I needed to be saved, and you needed a new life. We rescued each other and for 7 years nothing in the world could hurt me because I had you. I've had to learn to be brave without you poppet, and trust in myself. Its been a hard and lonely journey, but I still have the memories to make me smile and the lessons you so eloquently taught me.

So thank you River roo and the rock steady crew, for the memories, for the love and for the laughter. Thank you also for the tears, the tantrums and the final heartbreak. Without one there would never have been another, and I am lucky enough to say that at one point in my life - I was able to look into deep brown eyes and see my own soul reflected back at me, and know, that unquestioningly, with no judgement - I was loved simply for exisiting.

I love you now just as I did then, and tomororw I will bring you a carrot where we set your ashes free - you know by the spot we had our first canter and jump out together that cold spring morning - where I first knew that you would be the love of my life.

Continue to sleep well my boy, and watch over me like you do. I will always miss you but now smile rather than cry when I remember your little grey nose and little grey ears.

Love
Mum
xxxxxxxxxxxxx