Can someone please explain this to me? My humans gone mad!

[Meggymoo]

Dear Charlie Brown,

Dont worry about the delay, your human sounds so busy I need to sleep just thinking about all those jobzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh oh sorry, nearly dropped off then! You just keep on chasing those deer - remember my predecessor and the cat. One day you WILL get one, just make sure you dont chase one with a red nose, dont want Christmas cancelled do we?

How can you possibly like those nasty firework thingys? They are so loud they hurt my delicate little ears and make me soooo scared. And as for thunder! Well my human tells me that God is moving his grand piano! Honestly, does she think I was born yesterday??????

Oh dear I think I may have to sneak out after dark and see if I can find the mud monster and warn her! She may not see the nasty humans coming after her now she has had her eye poked out! Hmmm, if she is that big though, I dont know how they would get her into a tin. Perhaps its a very big tin.... and empty.

I dont bark very much. Fat lab does all that for me, though again, human is never satisfied. He can bark a merry tune to occupy himself and they shout at him to shut up. Then when its something the humans call Halloween, they tell him to "go and see 'em off" and he is allowed to go and shout at the front door. Mad I tell you, completely mad!

My human has just said she's going to see if the Brownies in the oven are cooked! BROWNIES????? COOKED??????? I'm sure there is a law against that. And if theres not, then there jolly well should be. Anyway, must alert fat lab so that he can go and stand behind human and then when she steps back and trips over him, her baking flys into the air, I catch it, then fat lab and I share the spoils! What a team!!!!!

Cheers Charlie,

Skinny grey
xxx

[MrsMozart]

[LauraWheeler]

Dear Skinny grey,
Yes my human is quite buisy, but thats good for me because it means I get the whole bed to myself all day. Then at night the humans get in to act as my hot water bottles. Especialy at the moment as it's quite chilly. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I think you'd better try to warn your mud monster if you can. But I think it's only naughty ones who become Pedagree Chum as my human never says our other mud monster is going to the factory just the little horrid one. I'm not allowed in the field with him. I've seen him try to stamp on my Shepherd friend before when he was just sniffing round the field. I think he is very horrid!
We had Halloween here once. The human my human calls the landlady had lots of other humans round and they ate lots of food. Some were dressed up in silly costumes. Landlady got me some silly orange thing to wear but I refused to put it on. The poor dog who lives downstairs had to wear one though. There MUST be a law against dressing dogs up?
Anyway My human is abit cross with me as apparently I was very bad on our walk at the weekend. we were doing our usual route when I desided we should go somewhere diffrent. I was getting bord as we hadn't seen any deer. I found a place full of rabbits and desided to chase them instead. I could hear my human calling but was having to much fun to go back streight away. The shephared must have dobbed me in as the next thing I new I could see my human and she looked rather cross. Apparently going through a bog to find me isn't much fun? I don't see what she was moaning about. She must be fat as I just skipped across the bog just fine but she kept sinking and had to cling to trees to pull herself out. If only she had waited for me to finish, I would have come back. I wanted to go back again and play with the rabbits but as I headed back my human shouted "Bye Charlie, See you later, I'm going home" She seemed quite cross so I thought I'd better not risk going back incase she did leave me there. When we got home she sprayed me with the hose which was very cold and very unfaire. Then when we got in the house she shut the bedroom door and wouldn't let me sit on her chair to warm up. I think she was very mad at me.
Hope alls well with you and fat lab and you managed to get some brownies. They sound yummy.
All the best,
Charlie Brown. xx

[Bettyboo222]

Hello Charlie Brown and Skinny Grey,
I think my human is very very strange too, She also keeps these huge monsters and sometimes I go with her too see them (but one of them isn't that big.)

But the reason my I think my human is insane is occasionally she takes me to this strange field where there are lots of other dogs and gets really excited and shouts in a funny voice. Then she makes me run down a lane where there are lots of things to jump over and press a button at the end. If I press the button right a tennis ball comes out, I LOVE tennis balls, Tennis Balls are my favourite things, They're like totally amazing ... anyway when I get this ball and run back I get lots of cuddles and nice food from the human which is good!

Speak to you all soon

Biscuit (even though I prefer to get back to my rapper roots and be called 'B-Dawg')

[Meggymoo]

Hey Charlie Brown, Don't look now, but there's a biscuit talking to us!!! Yes, a BISCUIT!!!!!! Not that I mind that, but I've never had one talk to me before. I wonder if it's a garibaldi biscuit (I don't know what they are but I heard my human ask daddy human if he remembered them! Said something about dead flies so I don't think I would like them.), or a custard cream, or a choccie one or, or, or a cheese biscuit! I likes cheese I does!!!!!!

I think there is a law against dressing us up in silly outfits. I think it's called something like the Doggie rights convention 2004, amendment 54 subsection C. "No human shall put antlers on dogs during the Christmas season" My human will be appearing in court soon........ unless I drop all charges. Hmmm a bit of blackmail may be to my advantage here.

Wow that must have been great fun, Bog-hopping! These Humans.! Pah! You really would think they would appreciate us a bit more wouldn't you, devising these games for them to join in! My Humans sometimes call the Mudmonster a bog hopper! What a co-incidence! As for turning the hose on you this weather! Well that is downright mean! Dont include her in your games if thats all the thanks you get. Mind you, here is a little tip to get revenge. (looks over shoulder, then whispers...) when she gets the hose out, try and stand on it somewhere, preferably somewhere she hasnt noticed, then look innocent and start whistling nonchalantly. When no water comes out, hopefully she will look down the end of the hose. At this point, quick reactions are required. Jump off the hose and run hell for leather to the barn or somewhere you can hide, but still get a peek at her getting it full in the face. DONT whatever you do come back when she calls you and don't be bribed with a treat!!!! IT IS A TRICK.

Apparently the Brownies were yummy. Unfortunately my opinion wasnt asked! Human was going on about a Mary Berry recipe. Don't know what that was though - have heard of Blackberry and Strawberry, but never Mary Berry! Hmmm.

Hi Biscuit! (discrete sniff in an attempt to identify said yumminess!) (No Charlie Brown, dont think he's edible! I think he may have lied about being a biscuit!) Welcome! Dont worry too much about your humans monsters. I think we may have the upper hand, after all, does your human let these monsters in the house? No mind doesn't either!

Wow that really is totally insane! Who ever heard of pressing a button to get a tennis ball? I find that its more funny to let your human throw the ball. Then you just stand there and look quizzically at them as though you dont have the faintest idea what they want, and they end up going and fetching it back! Gives her a bit of exercise bless her! After all, she does need it more than me!

Anyway, think Human is just going upstairs so this may be my chance for a quick nap on the sofa! So will speak to you both again soon,

Skinny Grey.
xxxxx

[LauraWheeler]

Dear Biscuit,
Your name must be so confusing. I have a Biscuit for breakfast every morning Yum yum. The Tennis ball thing sounds odd. I'd love the jumping bit. I Loooooooooooooove jumping but pressing a button and catching a ball, then giving it to the humans. Dear me if they want the ball they can jolly well get it them selves. I did do a very fun thing once. There were jumps, a tunnel, some funny sticks we had to run in and out of and a thing I had to jump up onto and lie down while my human said "1 2 3 4 5" then I had to run as fast as I could to the end. It was soooooooooooooooooo much fun. Trouble is I couldn't go as fast as I wanted to cos silly human kept me on the lead and she can't run very fast cos apparently she has a wonky hip or something. I think she's just lazy. ;P I did get some nice choc drops in the end.
All the best,
Charlie Brown. x


Dear Skinny Grey,
I can't believe they didn't ask your opinion about the brownies. How rude is that! Ohhhhh You said Cheese. Cheese is the best. Human always gives me cheese after I've been to the vet place. I have cheese for about 2 weeks normaly after I've been there.
I'll remember that doggie rights thing It's nearly xmas and my human will get my santa suit out (who the heck is santa anyway?) and wrap me up in shiny stuff she calls tinsel. Then everyone says "Awwwwww isn't he cute" CUTE CUTE I tell you. I'm a vicous beast i'm by no means cute.
My human never joins in any of my fun games. Bog hopping is the best one though. Lots of splashing and squishing noises. Sadly I can't run away when she gets the hose out as i'm on the lead. I try to hide behind my human but it doesn't work so I just run round in circles instead. She gets pritty wet to.
I'm currently writing to you from my humans mum and dads house. We are visiting them for the weekend. It's abit dissapointing though. Last time I was here there was a big rat. I caught it and everyone was so happy and made lots of fuss of me. But this time i'm looking all over and I can't find any vermin at all. Not shore I'll bother coming back again It's no were near as much fun as last time.
Anyway I'll keep looking maybe the vermin are hiding somewhere.
All the best,
Charlie Brown. xx

[Meggymoo]

Hi Charlie Brown,
Hope things improved for you at your human's mum and dad's house and you found the vermin. You sound a terribly brave chap, I think I may have run away and hidden somewhere safe if I had sniffed that the vermin was around! I know you are a very very vicious and very very brave beastie, but I think you are kinda cute too (flutters eye lashes in an alluring way). I like a man to have a cute side too! I never get to go to my human's mum and dad's house cos they don't really like dogs. Can you imagine that? DONT.......LIKE.......DOGS!!!!!!!!! What is there not to like about dogs? And I dont think you can really blame me for what happened when human's dad fell over when my waggy tail hit him across the back of his legs! I mean... skinny greys only have skinny tails! What harm can that do??? And how was I to know that human's dad hadnt finished his lunch, I thought he didnt want that last sandwich so I thought I was helping! Anyway, I'm not sure whether my human was pleased with me or not as now when they visit she gives me a bone filled with cheese!!!! Apparently its to distract me and keep me away from him, cos he is very very very very old and doddery, but all I can say is.... RESULT!!!!

Your human must be very clever counting to 5, I dont know whether I like the sound of tunnels though. Are they very dark and scary? Do vermin hide in them? Are there hosepipes in there ready to squirt you with cold water when you have been bog hopping? And I think you should have run as fast as you could to make sure she ran faster. These humans don't do nearly enough running on the other end of the lead.

Something odd has happened today. My human went out this morning and just after she had come back she let me out to do what a dog has to do when they have been shut in and do you know what? A tree has appeared! Its just outside the back door, it has some sort of net thing on it, its standing in a bucket of water, and human says that in a few days its coming in the house! Yes IN the house!!!!! Whats the world coming to??? Fat lab thinks its so he doesnt have to go outside for a wee when its minus 5 like it was last week! If thats the case, then I want equal rights for lady-dogs!!! I will let you know if there are any developments there!

Oh well, as everyone has gone out and left Mummy human in on her own, I'm going to try my luck sneaking up on the sofa - when she's on her own I'm more likely to get away with it especially if I give her a little snuggle! Wish me luck!

Love,
Skinny grey xx

[LauraWheeler]

Dear Skinny Grey,
I didn't manage to find any vermin. But I did kill a tennis ball and a pine cone so that sort of made up for the lack of vermin. ;P
My Shephard friend is always getting shouted at for wagging his tail. He knocks things off the table all the time. I'm so careful with mine and never knock anything off. But still you didn't mean to knock him over so how can he not like you. Everyone loves dogs don't they? Don't tell me he's under the evil spell of cats :o My humans sister is under there evil spell. But a bone filled with cheese sounds so good. Maybe I should knock my humans dad over with my tail. Maybe I would get cheese to. I love cheese. Yum yum.
The tunnels were loads of fun. You go in one end and run as fast as you can and try to get out the otherside before your human is there to catch you. That was the only time my human seemed to run fast.
We've had a tree appear downstairs. Someone has put flashing lights on it and coloured balls. I try to mark it as my tree but my human tells me off so not shore fat lab will be aloud to stay indoors even if it's -5 i'm afraid.
I hope you managed to get on the sofa. Giving a snuggle first is a very good trick.
All the best,
Charlie Brown. xx

[Bettyboo222]

[Meggymoo]

Biscuit!
08001111 - get that? 08001111. Quick! Dial it now and tell Esther Ranzen about this awful child abuse! I knew something awful would happen being named after a food. Hope its not too late!!!!!!
Skinny Grey

ps. Whatever you do, dont say "sausages"!!!!!